Flip Flops The best thing about life once you’re past the age of four is cable TV. You weren’t expecting that, I know. But your brain is happy about it. It may not be Big Bird that holds your attention anymore, but ‘Flip This House’, ‘Flip That House’, ‘Pimp My Penthouse’, ‘Tackle That Town Home’, ‘Deconstruct This Dilapidated Domicile’, and all those other ‘I could have gotten the money for the pilot if I had a snappy name’ TV shows are now at the forefront of our consciousness. ‘Houses Gone Wild’ is my fav. Anyway, the one show I really want to see but haven’t yet is ‘Slap That Owner’. You know, a show featuring those newbies who put granite counter tops in, but try save a few bucks by putting indoor/outdoor carpet in the kitchen. Ok, so I did that. It doesn’t matter. I’m not on TV. We’re starting to get distracted here, so let’s try to stay focused. Some of those shows feature folks who can’t even figure out which end of a nail the hammer is in love with. Not a great recipe for getting rich if you can’t handle the learning curve. Anyway, I like counting my chickens before they’re hatched as much as the next guy. I did it three generations in advance once, and boy did I make a killing on that one. Wish I could do that more often. And I’m not just talking about making your regular money here, I’m talkin’ TV money, the kind of money that doesn’t have anything to do with profit, just dollars. I think some of those folks are counting turkeys before they hatch. Nothing like having your eggs DOA about the time you can smell the bacon. Anyway, we all have our favorite moments from these shows. Although the time they filled an old Jacuzzi with charcoal and billed it as the ‘towns’ biggest barbeque pit’ was a little over the top for my taste. I’d have filled it with beer. That would be a lot more practical if you ask me. And the time they built a breezeway between the main house and the outhouse seemed unnecessary. I would have just moved the outhouse closer to the backdoor if it was my place. Depending on the prevailing winds of course, I’m no idiot. Anyway, it’s hard for me to believe that you could just fall in love with doin brain surgery, and the only thing standing in your way of making a killing at it is that silly ‘you didn’t go to school and get a license’ nonsense. It seems if you think you can do it, what the heck does experience and knowledge have to do with it? Let’s face it, the first guy that ate a lobster sure didn’t have no ‘lobster diploma’, he was hungry. I’m thinking the folks on these shows close their eyes on that first bite as well. Anyway, not everyone is cut out to be a flipping mogul, and losing money on national TV should be reserved for those idiots on Wheel of Fortune who buy all the vowels so the other guy wins. And let’s face it, if balancing your checkbook requires a double dose of Damital, becoming the general contractor should be out of the question. But you wouldn’t know that by watching these folks go at it. “We’ll add it all up at the end of the project” they say, “Never count your money while you’re sitting at the table”. Anyway, just once I’d like to see the director step out from behind the camera and slap some sense into these folks, but that will never happen. You just know he’s thinking if he can get one of the partners to hit the other upside the head with a two-by-four he’ll make the ‘A’ list and he’ll be able to fill his Jacuzzi with caviar or champagne or whatever the perk of the moment is for those Hollyweirdos. Who knows, he might be thinking to himself how good it will feel accepting the award for ‘Best Director’ in the ‘Nailed it on the first take’ category. Cletus
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